Hey everybody. Welcome to the Hair of the Dog podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Begley. Now, this week we have something a little bit special for you. We have Heather chatting with Michelle Crandall. Now, Michelle Crandall has been a hair of the Dog Academy student and an Elevate student for quite some time. She is now an ambassador inside of Elevate,

and she is just an incredible person, an incredible photographer, and I could not be more proud of the progress she has made in her business, as well as her thoughts over the past several years that we've been working together. Now, in this episode, we're doing things a little bit differently. This is a conversation between Heather and Michelle, but it was so good that I wanted to bring it to you guys here on the Hair of the Dog podcast as well.

So stay tuned and enjoy. Welcome to The Hair of the Dog podcast. If you are a pet photographer, ready to make more money and start living a life by your design, you've come to the right place. And now your host pet photographer, travel Addict, chocolate martini connoisseur, Nicole Begley, Michelle Crandall from Pets in Focus Photography in Michigan is a one-on-one coaching client of mine,

and also a very good friend. We met several years ago through photography, and I could tell instantly that her favorite pastime was punching herself in the face. What I mean by that is that she had everything she needed to build a successful photography business. And the only thing standing in her way was her own brain. She's in our Elevate program, but I also worked very closely with her for an entire year in a one-on-one coaching relationship.

There were struggles and tears and incredible breakthroughs with her mindset. I really don't think it's an exaggeration to use the term life changing here. So I recently asked Michelle if she'd like to come on the podcast and share her journey with us. Of course, she agreed, but she said, you know, Heather, I had so many shifts that I'm not even sure what topic we should focus on.

So we chatted and decided to focus on her social anxiety. Michelle was an introvert, and the thought of meeting new people and talking about her business felt overwhelming to her. In this conversation, she shares how she pushed through that discomfort to create a better life and business for herself. I hope you enjoy our conversation. Hey Michelle, thanks for joining me on the podcast today.

Hey, Heather. Thank you. I'm so excited to be Here. Okay, great. I'm gonna dive right in and and say, before we talk about your successful breakthroughs, like with your mindset, at some point you realized that something was holding you back in your business. So I have like a two part question. How did you initially discover, like what was holding you back?

How did you, okay, this is a three part question. Okay. How did you discover what was holding you back? Like how did you get to that point that like, of being self-aware, and also why did you think it mattered? So what was it? Yeah, it's, it's a little bit of a long story. How long is your podcast?

All right, let's go. Let's hear it. Let's go. When I started my pet photography business, I started with the idea that I was gonna do dog sports. That was gonna be my whole business model. That's what I knew. 'cause I'd been part of that, you know, that group beforehand. So after the pandemic happened and I was sitting there with like no clients and the business plan wasn't good anymore because we couldn't have events.

I was sitting there and that is when I realized I am holding myself back for my business. Because whereas in the dog sports aspect, if you show up, they will buy because you're the only person there. So they don't have a choice. You don't have to talk to anybody. You just give them your business card and they look at your website and they like the pictures.

Then they'll buy them if they, oh, It's like a sale by default, kind of, huh? Right. Yeah. You don't have to worry about going out and meeting people and talking to them and telling them what you do. 'cause it's just there automatically. Oh, I see. So you're just like showing up or you're somehow connected with these events and then you're the photographer.

So like there's the photographer. Order your photos if you'd like. There she is. Exactly. Okay. Nobody cares who the person behind the camera is. I mean, some people obviously. Yeah, sure. But Like, nobody cared. So after the pandemic, when, you know, or in the middle of it, 2020 and 2021, I'm sitting here at my computer desk trying to figure out how to build my business sitting in front of my computer desk when I can't talk to anybody and I can't,

I mean, I could talk to, you know, email and stuff like that, but if you build it, they will not come. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you decided this point, you wanted to, you wanted to find like private clients for your Yes. Yes. Right. Okay. Yeah. And you're sitting in front of your computer and you're like,

well, this isn't working. No, nobody's calling. My phone isn't ringing. I wouldn't answer it anyway 'cause I don't like to talk on the phone. That is great. Yeah. So even if they did call, I'm not picking up. So forget it. So I sat there and had like a real discussion with myself and I said, okay,

I am the one that's holding myself back from my business because I could go out there and talk to people and tell them what I do and make them an offer, but I don't wanna, Hmm. So that's when I, that's actually when I emailed you and said, Hey Heather, do you have a one-to-one spot open? Because I got a whole lot of mindset stuff to talk through.

I have some, I have a situation over here in Michigan. Yes. And I need some help. So you recognized that you needed to get out to in, in your community and meet people in order to build a business, but you didn't want to. Why? What was going on there? Well, what was going on was my fear of failure.

My fear of not presenting myself perfectly. And what would happen if somebody thought that I was dumb or pet photography isn't a thing, or you know, all of these perceived judgments that I think they might think Possibly, maybe think Right. Possibly might. Well, it's not worth it. I just won't do it at all. So then I sat here with no clients and couldn't figure out what to do.

Mm. So this social anxiety, you know, I often joke, of course I'm an introvert for sure, but I was an introvert before, it was cool when it was called social anxiety. Yes. That was, I've always been this person. So for me to, you know, when I started working with the Flourish Academy and with you, one of the things that I always used to see that you would tell people is just go out and talk to people.

Cool. And my question to that was, how do I do that? And for someone like you who's been in business for so long, it's, it's obvious, right? Well, you just go out and you talk to people. Right. I've seen you do it out to dinner. Yes. Talk to Somebody you don't know. If I had like 10% of that Heather,

I probably would be a millionaire. But we Don't. So We're working on it in little cases. Yes. So when I thought about, okay, Heather's selling me to go out and talk to people, how do I do that? And it's not like I don't talk to people, obviously I do. I just get so worried when I'm in my business mindset.

You know, my business is my identity and it's been hard to separate those. Hmm. And so if someone rejects my photography business, then they're rejecting me and I'm an idiot. And I should quit and go live in a tent. Yeah. You're like not wordly of anything because that rejection is not of your photography business. It is literally of your soul.

Yes. Yeah. 'cause so many photographers, I know I'm not alone in this. I put so much of my heart and soul into my images. So if someone's like, well, I don't know, I don't really like it, then you're like, oh, that interprets in my brain to you don't like me. I'm a terrible person. Right.

And and the thought of that level of rejection was just too much. Correct. It was too much. Yeah, absolutely. Too much. So for me to go out and just walk up to somebody and say, Hey, I'm a pet photographer, can I take pictures of your dog? Who was like foreign, like a foreign language to me. So after Very uncomfortable.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Very, very uncomfortable. So after you and I had done some coaching, 'cause thankfully you had a spot, you continued to tell me the same things, which were, get out and meet people and tell them what you do and make them an offer. So I started into a situation where I didn't know what I was getting into.

I started organizing a local pep parade. But You okay, can we just pause for a second? So I'm telling you, go out in your community and meet people, and you just dove head into, I'm gonna organize a pep parade in my community. I didn't know that's what the end result was gonna be when I started. Because That's a pretty big jump,

don't you think? Yes, it is. I'm not sure I would recommend it, but it was like trial by fire For sure. Yeah. I guess I went to the city, asked if they needed help. It ended up in my lap. Long story short. Oh, I guess that's true. You didn't know you were going to be doing the whole thing,

right? Yeah. I, I went in there with the thought of, this will be a great way to meet people and tell them what I do. Yes. If I am part of the pet parade, I didn't know that I was gonna end up with it in my lap, but I did. And then, you know, if you're gonna do something,

do it. Right. Of course. So, you know, six months later I'm throwing a pep parade that, you know, the popula, you know, the people that came, all of that exploded and you know, And they loved you and they loved, they loved me. They loved you, they loved you. So you put together this pep parade,

which I'm sure was not as straightforward as we're making it sound, because there's a lot of moving parts, there's a lot of components there. Right. You have to organize and vendors and like sponsors and like, there's a lot, It was great. It was a lot of organization, which is my pre photographer world. I'm, you know, I did case management so I can handle the organization.

It was getting out and talking to all the businesses in town. Yes. And talking to all of these large businesses, you know, I mean, some very big brand names that people get delivered to their door on a monthly basis. I'm having to reach out to them and say, Hey, I'm a pet photographer. Will you help me with the pet parade in my little town?

And so I credit that as big of an ordeal as it was and scary. And, you know, all of that. I credit that organization with getting me out of my shell because I did all of that. And not one single person said, oh my gosh, you're so stupid, Michelle. Right. You're an idiot. Right, right. Nobody said that.

And there were like, I think I counted last was like 56 different vendors, people, you know, whatever, all of the different aspects of it. So I said to myself, okay, if I can do that, I can start to talk to other people about like, what I'm about my business. Yes. I'm passionate about pets. The whole reason I started it was to try to make it safer.

That's an easy one. Yes. But like, now I gotta switch all of this, all of the new feelings that I'm having, I have to switch that to my business. Ooh. And what did your brain try to tell you at that point? Oh, that I was terrible. Yeah. This was, I was gonna think I'm stupid. Yeah.

You know what's funny? Is that not funny? Like, haha, like, just ironic, what our brains do is that you put all of this together, you met all of these people, was a huge success. People loved you, they loved everything. It was like the greatest thing your town has ever seen. And then you, I think you were like proud of that,

right? Excited. Yes. Definitely. I was very proud to be part of it and proud that I represented my business. And, And then you're like, okay, I am gonna take that and sort of translate it over to my business. And your brain was like, oh the heck you are. Exactly. It was trying to find reasons why No,

this isn't gonna work in your pet business that worked with a pet parade because you were promoting the community or something else. Now you're trying to promote yourself and make money so it's not the same thing. So I mean, is this what was going on in your brain? Yeah, absolutely. People were gonna be upset with me for trying to charge them for doing something that I enjoy.

Oh. That's really what it comes down to. Okay. People were gonna be upset with you because you make them pay you. Yes. You know that I'm out there Right. Holding them up. Right. Like, it's not their choice. I'm A criminal And I'm not a criminal. You're telling people Yeah. You're holding them up and saying, you're gonna pay me so I can photograph your dog or else suffer the consequences.

I mean, it's just crazy. You, you create this offer, you put it out there, it's up to the person or up to the people that see your offers, whether or not they wanna hire you. Right. Right. So you like, why, why is it wrong or bad to allow people to give you money? Yeah. Well we spent a lot of time in coaching on that.

Yeah, we sure did. Seems like, it seems like a a straightforward question, doesn't it? It does. It does seem like a straightforward, But what, what was your, what else was your brain telling you then? Well, mostly my brain was just telling me to back off, to go back into my comfortable spot in front of my computer.

This is too risky. People might say no. And then you said to me one time, but what if they say yes, huh? Right. And then I got even more afraid. What if they do say yes, Then I gotta do the work. Right. I'm not afraid of the work, but I'm afraid, you know, at that point I was still quite afraid that my photographs weren't good enough and all of that.

Yes. And so, You know, like when you talk about social anxiety and the anxiety that comes with starting a business, again, I'm, I'm certain I'm not the only one that feels this way when I'm a solopreneur. I'm the only one in the business. It's so difficult to separate that out. Mm. Michelle is not pets in focus. Oh my gosh,

that's so true. And it's so difficult sometimes because then there's like even more pressure on you than it was if I, if I was just Michelle going to talk to somebody. That's one thing. If it's Michelle representing pets in focus now I've got this whole weight on my shoulders of like, this is the success of your business is on your shoulders. And if they say no,

everything is gonna collapse. Everything is gonna collapse. That's a lot of heaviness to carry around, isn't it? Yes. It's like you put so much pressure on yourself, that weight of in, of getting clients, was it getting clients or like making money or, you know, that it they said said Yeah. All of the above. Yeah. Yeah.

That it meant that you were a failure if they said no or rejected. But what, what about when they said yes? Yeah. Then I have to worry that they're not gonna like, Like their pictures. Yeah. Their pictures. So there's, it's a never ending worry cycle. You, Well, you place your, I think at some point I also said to you some version of you've painted yourself into a corner where you can't win.

Absolutely. That's my, my specialty Heather, Why did you do that? Why would, why would one do that? Exactly. I think I've had so much life experience worrying and look how it worked out for me. Not great. I was listening to obviously one of your podcasts the other day, and you were talking about your own anxiety and how you didn't even realize that you had it Yes.

Until it was gone. Yes. I didn't realize how much my own anxiety was holding me back until I just pushed through it. How? But how did you do that? How people wanna know how, because there's a lot of introverts who are photographers that are thinking, I don't know if I can do this. One of the first sticky notes I put on my computer after coaching with you was,

do it scared. Hmm. And the truth of the matter is, I am scared so much of the time in my business and I'm doing it anyway. Hmm. I have to push through the anxiety and push through the dread and the feelings that I have that this is not gonna work. Everything's terrible. The world is gonna collapse and just do it and see what happens.

Because then my brain will switch and say, maybe it's not the end of the world. Oh. Because you think it sees that like, you didn't die. I didn't die. Yeah. So maybe I can try this again. Mm. And try a different offer. Mm. Or try whatever will work better. Okay. People love this aspect of it,

but they didn't love this aspect of it. Mm. Let's try something different. So once the weight of that releases the weight of your own judgment and the judgment that you perceive that other people are gonna have over you, then you're free to play around with your business and see how to make it work. Oh My gosh. I, let's, like brilliantly said,

so essentially metaphorically, you're, you're taking the backpack off. I, I picture this like backpack that you're carrying and it's filled with rocks. And I'm like, just put it down. Yeah. Just like, drop the, drop the backpack. Try it. You'll, and after you do it a few times, you're sending a message to your brain.

Well, number one, you're building courage. Yes. Over time. And your brain sees that you don't die and that it's okay. And you're essentially calming your nervous system. I, I mean, I don't know about you, but one thing I tell my brain when it gets outta control is like, you're safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. It's okay.

I'm not going to die. I'm safe. I'm protected. This is okay. It's scary because it's uncomfortable and it's changed and it's different. And that's fine. Like, we're not trying to get away from it and we're not trying to change it. It's more of like an acceptance of I'm going to feel afraid, so my only choice is to do it afraid.

Right. Or it's not gonna happen. Yes. Because you're never not gonna be afraid. Right. You talk about this all the time. You're afraid of a feeling. And that's absolutely the truth for me. What was the feeling? Do you remember Embarrassment? Mm. If I put out this, whatever it is, if I wanna try to sell this,

you know, this fancy print for $2,000. Oh, I love it. Yes. Absolutely not. People are gonna think I'm crazy and I'm gonna be so embarrassed that I put myself out there thinking that I'm worth this much money, blah, blah, blah. It goes like, I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. I should be ashamed, I'm embarrassed.

All of that. And then they're all gonna talk to their friends and be like, of course you believe that Michelle thinks she can do, You will not believe what Michelle is up to now you got Yeah. And this, like the words, they're gonna get on the phone to all of their friends and tell everybody they're gonna post it. And the whole town is gonna know.

The whole town is gonna know. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Meanwhile, nobody's even paying attention. It's hilarious. Nobody's even paying attention. No. I had a situation with a local business owner and she loves her sweet little dog. And I said, let's do a photo shoot. And she was like, great, let's do it. Send me your product guide.

So I sent her my product guide that I was so happy about and she sent something back and she was, was like, I can't afford you. And I took that to mean everything we already talked about. I'm terrible, who am I to be charging that? Oh my gosh, I'm such an idiot, blah, blah, blah. Come to find out she just bought the business.

She just bought the building and she was getting ready to have a wedding. So she's a little tapped out. Yeah. None of that has anything to do with my pet photography. But you know, it, that's what I took. That's what I took in. That's what I heard. Mm. So, yeah, I mean, it's not all about you.

No. Well, right. Actually it's nothing to do with you. Yeah. It doesn't have do. Like maybe she really wanted to do it and was just like, I don't have the budget right now. Their resources are slim and I have other commitments, so I can't do this. But we tend to think it's because we're too expensive. They don't see the value,

they don't like us. There's something wrong. And, and it's not like how, how, what advice would you give to people to like create that separation? Like you said, between your worth as like a human being and, and your business. How, how did you start to like separate that? Well, it's a work in progress. I don't know,

as I can say confidently that I have completely separated myself out from my business. But what I have to realize is it's not always about me. And I'm not like this, you know, super, this person who always thinks about themselves, but I do perceive the world as like, there, there's something wrong with me and that's why things aren't working.

Instead of it's not the right time, or they're not interested, or they actually don't even like their dog that much. Or, you know, whatever. Seriously. Yeah. If There's a plethora of other reasons why they don't wanna take me up on my offer that Heather told me to make, This is Heather's fault. I knew it. She told me to.

Do you know what that is? That's the cognitive distortion of personalization where we take everything personally. Yeah. And it has to be about me because what other explanation is it? And you know, it's very common among people who tend to have anxious thoughts because it's like this weird false sense of control. Like, if I can make this about me, then maybe I can fix it.

Absolutely. Right? Absolutely. So it's a control issue. I wanna be in control. I'm gonna make it about me. My mom is the queen of personalization. And the other day she said some, I can't remember the context, but she said something that was so outlandish, Michelle, about, like, she brought it around to her and I looked at her and I said,

mom, is that because the world actually revolves around you? Or is that, and she started laughing because she's, she's very similar to you in that she is not ever making this about herself. Like she doesn't want the attention, she's not trying to make it about her. And it's like, but you're doing the actual opposite of what you intend. 'cause you're making it all about you.

Right. Even though that's not what you want. You don't want it all about you because you don't even want that attention. But yet you're circling it back to you. And she, she laughed and, and then, you know, we, we still, my mom, Sylvia, 76, 77 years old still, everything somehow comes around back to being about her.

And now she catches it and she's like, oh, I'm making it about me again. And I'm like, yeah, meanwhile, nobody's paying attention to you. Yeah. Nobody's paying attention. So, Heather, when you asked me the question of like, am I separating, how do I separate out my business from myself? It's really a matter of realizing that it's not all about you.

It doesn't matter who you are or what your specialty is. I'll give you a great example. Hmm. I was at a business meeting and I was fresh off of a call with you where you said, Michelle, just meet people, tell them what you do and make them an offer. Okay. Heather. So the very next morning I go into this business meeting and there's a table.

There was probably say 30 other small business owners there. I sit down at a table that I didn't know anybody specifically because I didn't know them. I'm putting myself in this situation to get uncomfortable and to get through these anxious thoughts that I'm having. I turn to this nice gentleman next to me and I say, who are you? What do you do?

He told me and he said, who are you? What do you do? And I told him, my name is Michelle, I'm a pet photographer. And he spent the next 10 minutes telling me terrible stories about his neighbor's dogs that go to the bathroom everywhere and they smell so bad. And he's called the Humane Society. Oh my gosh. All the Police.

And all I could think of in that moment was Heather Laan. This is why I don't meet people and tell them what I do. Oh my gosh. I actually remember that story. That's Fantastic. But here's the thing, I got through it. Yes. It was a super uncomfortable conversation to have and like very awkward for the rest of the hour that we were sitting next to each other.

But I got through it. The same thing happened actually just recently. I, I did some fundraising sessions for a local business. I sent out an email to every single person that came with the wrong rain date. Oh shoot. Okay. So one year previous before coaching with Heather, Michelle would have collapsed. Okay. Yes. Like lit the whole place on fire and just burn it down.

I screwed up. I'm terrible. I'm this unprofessional, stupid person. I can't believe I have any business running mini sessions. But you know what, nobody even noticed. Oh my gosh. I said, I called everybody because we needed to utilize the rain date. I called everybody and one person was like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought it was the 22nd.

It wasn't, how can we make this work? And then she thanked me for accommodating her. Amazing. I said, well, heck, this was my mistake. Of course I'm gonna accommodate you. She is like, oh no honey, thank you so much. So this whole mountain, this volcano that I had worked up in my head of like,

this is the worst thing that could possibly happen. Nobody even noticed. Oh, everybody showed up on the date. It was fine. I'm so glad that happened to you. Every time you would come to me with a story of like, something that was challenging you in my mind, and a few times I did even say this out loud, I was like,

good. Yeah, good. I'm glad this is happening to you. Because if that's your worst case scenario and it happened and you managed it and no one died and it, and in fact it turned out really well. Yeah. It frees you up emotionally and mentally to take more risks by scheduling things, by talking to people. See, prior to that,

Michelle, Michelle, pre-coaching was like so worried about all the potential possible scenarios of things that could go wrong. You wanted to plan out every possible contingency for everything. So again, control so that you felt in control and your brain just could not even, you know, perceive of a, a situation that it, where it wasn't in control. So it wouldn't allow you to move forward.

Right. But once you told it, essentially, I don't know, you tell me. Was it like I trust myself to figure this out? Yeah. I had to tell myself that because that's what we talked about so much. You had said to me so many times, Michelle, do you really think you're not smart enough to figure this out? Seriously.

And I know I'm not a stupid person. Okay. Correct. I've done a lot of good in my life and I'm gonna do a lot more good with my photography business. I'm not stupid. No. But That's the automatic negative thought that my brain throws out. So when you talk about anxiety, trying to make up for every single different possibility that could happen,

these same fundraising sessions that I'm talking about, I scheduled on a day of a solar eclipse. Oh my gosh, this is so fun. Oh yeah. Oh, it's real fun. Heather. I mean like, That was not on my checklist of things to say. Of course. Right. Solar eclipse. Check the calendar, make sure. Right.

So thankfully it rained that day. We didn't have to worry about it, but Oh my gosh. That's pretty funny. It is Funny. And I take these situations now, I didn't a year ago. I take them now as like, there's no way that you would've come up with a way to prevent that. Right? Correct. So why spiral here,

sitting here at my desk trying to figure out every little thing that could go wrong? Because the things that are gonna go wrong are not, are not even on your list. Correct. They're the ones you never predicted. Never predicted. Right. Never predicted. The solar eclipse, Which reminds me 2024 is a leap year. We better warn photographers about their calendars in February 29th.

Someone's gonna screw that up somewhere. Like, I dunno, like, You're right. Yep. The leap year that Is on your calendars now, folks that Yeah. Seriously. So how did you like start to catch this in these moments faster? How did, how have you been managing your brain? Well, it sounds a little weird if people have been listening to your podcast.

It doesn't sound weird at all actually, but it's taking it out of, I, I have to almost take my brain out of my head and look at it as a separate thing. Yes. I look at these thoughts that are coming through like, oh, you're stupid. You're this, you're that. I know that's not true. So then like,

this separate part of me and I still am working on what that part is, shuts it down. Mm. That that's the real Michelle. It is the real Michelle. Real Michelle real Michelle is pretty nice actually. She's awesome. She's brilliant, she's smart, she's kind. She's compassionate, she's caring. She loves you. She encourages you. That's the real Michelle.

That's prefrontal cortex. Michelle is starting to see the, you know, lizard brain, Michelle, the child, like Michelle that's just trying to protect you. That's gonna come up with the negative thoughts. I honestly, I think you nailed it. I personally believe that separation is the key. That if you can separate yourself from your anxious thoughts and just pull 'em outta your brain and look at them and say,

is that true? Or is that even helpful? And then the real, you comes up to the plate and says, no, come on. That's not true. How could you have known about that? You're not stupid. Everything is in, instead of listening to your brain. So you stop listening to your brain and you start talking to it. So the real Michelle comes into play and says,

Hey, calm down. This is, this is not. And it's, it's almost like you are a witness to these two Michelles that are Yeah. It's a whole experience. It's, it's, it's, and they get going. But you know how I started it was I tried to pretend that I was talking to you or to another one of my good friends.

Because I would never, ever tell you the things that I tell myself ever in the same exact situation. I wouldn't be like, oh, Heather, I cannot believe, I cannot believe you scheduled a photo session during a solar eclipse. Yeah. What kind of idiot are you? You're so stupid. Yes. I would never say that that right. But like,

that was my automatic thought to myself. And so in the beginning, I couldn't check myself. It was easier to pretend it was someone else. Oh. And so then I would say, how would I, how would I explain the situation to Heather if Heather was going through this situation? Yes, I have another good friend, Deanna. How would I do this if it was Deanna,

how would I tell her? And I was super nice to you guys. Compassionate. You had compassion. Right. And so then I kept trying to like put that on myself. Hmm. And it took a long time. Heather, I mean, like I said, I'm still working through it. But it took at least six months Yes. Before it actually started to stick.

Yes. But it Started Without awareness. You started to have the awareness that it was happening. Those automatic negative thoughts were coming up automatically. Of course you can't control them. But that you could decide whether or not you listened to them or you believed them. Yes. And I think that was key for you, that like you, prior to that,

prior to our coaching, you were just accepting everything that popped into your brain. It was all facts Had to be, it popped into my brain. It has to be real. Which, you know, the key is like, don't believe everything you think. Right. In fact, believe very little of what you think automatically unless you're thinking it on purpose.

And that's the key, the difference between automatic thoughts and thoughts that you think intentionally when the real Michelle steps up to the plate and says, no, I know what I'm doing. I know how to photograph. I know that people like me. I know I'm good at my job. I can edit, I can remove leashes. Oh, you know what the,

you know what a good example of this is? Also, you had told me something about the weather. You were worried about was it 'cause it was dreary or dark? But you remember you were telling me about this and I said, you need to shoot in these situations so that you can believe that you can do it. Yes. I had a situation where I started too late in the forest and all of the pictures were like very,

very dark. And I was so upset about them. But the truth is, just like you said, I managed, I know how to edit. I worked it out and the clients loved them. Is it not true to, I mean, can we not say factually that everything works out 100% of the time? I, yes. You say that and I used to not believe you.

Mm. There are people listening that don't believe me, help these people. It does work out in your favor eventually. Yes. Okay. It might not be immediately and it might not be exactly the way you think it's gonna work, but it will work out. Yeah. I always A hundred percent of the time. And that doesn't of mean like perfectly in your favor as you would want it,

but it Oh, absolutely not. It does work out. Yeah. Most of the time it doesn't work out how you think it looks. Right. Or how you want it'll Right. You wanna, but it will work out. Yeah. So what would do, what do you think is a common misconception like about anxiety or this mind management stuff that you've learned?

'cause you were, you were on the other side. You were, here's the thing, you were skeptical, but you were open. Like I would tell you things, you'd be like, okay, Heather, whatever, you know, but, but you were still open to receiving it. So think of the old Michelle, like, because you're talking to people that are listening that might have some misconceptions about anxiety or mind management.

Like what advice would you give them? The advice I would give them is to not take on anxiety as your identity. Yeah. Good one. I love that. I can tell you, you know this for sure, Heather, one of the first things I told you is I've had anxiety since I was a kid. It's just I who I am,

Heather Just who I am. And it doesn't have to be that way. And it doesn't necessarily mean this is coming from a previous psychiatric nurse. It doesn't always mean that you need medication. Mm. Some people do. Yes. Some people are on medication for the rest of their lives. Yes. That works for them. If that's not the path you want to try,

you don't have to. There Are alternatives. Yes, there are alternatives. And I know there will always be people out there who need that medication. Of course. And I'm not judging them. And of course I, you know, that's fine. If you're in that spot where you, you are open, you do have an open mind. Even if you're skeptical,

if you have an open mind, you, you don't have to have anxiety. You can have anxious thoughts all the time, which I still do. Yes. But I'm able to take them out and look at them and say, okay, is this really worth ruining my day over? Oh wow. Okay. Is one mistake in an email, something that I need to ruin my whole week over?

Or I have to cry for two hours because oh my gosh, how stupid I am. Or can I just call the people and say, Hey, will I see you Sunday? Yeah, I'll see you Sunday. Great. See you then. So simple. It's so simple. And for someone who has truly been dealing with anxious thoughts since I was a teenager,

that alone was revolutionary. My Gosh. The fact that you don't have to believe the anxious thoughts that come up, that was worth the price of admission right there. Yeah. That's, that. It really was. That one key thing is just, it's everything. I mean, coaching changed my life. I know that coaching changed your life as well.

And it, and it seems, gosh, when we talk about it almost basic, like it's just our thoughts. Yeah. Just like managing your mind and your thoughts. And it seems to me, well, first of all, congratulations. You should be very proud of the journey you've been on, because I know it wasn't easy. Thank you. Was worth it.

Absolutely worth it. Not easy. But you, it seems to me that you have shortened your refractory period. Yes. When a circumstance happens, like you had just said, like, I'm not gonna cry for two hours. I'm just gonna ask myself a better question. How does that feel for you to know that you've, you, you alone have done that?

It's really exciting. It, it boosts my confidence in my business and in my personal life because I can get through it. And so it's like I've taken the power away from all the automatic negative thoughts. And you know, I mean, everybody has family of origin stuff and drama and things that come up and things that trigger you now that doesn't need to,

when you can take back that control, it's like a whole different ballgame. I mean, we just changed the playing field. Yes. What do you, The whole game, what do think this, what do you think this means? Like for what's possible for you? Well, it's opened up my thoughts to things that I never even considered part of,

part of the deal. You know, like I would've never considered, like a year and a half ago or two years ago, whatever, I never ever would've walked down to the city and asked them if they needed help with a parade. Oh, right. Or I wouldn't walk into these small businesses in town like, Hey, do you wanna collaborate on something?

I know that you own a jewelry store and it doesn't have anything to do with dogs, but hey, let's dress up your dogs and do a photo shoot. And they're on board with it. I would've never, ever done that for fear of sounding stupid and then being embarrassed. Hmm. So the social anxiety that I have sometimes or had previously, I keep showing my brain that the automatic thoughts are incorrect.

Ah. You know, like my husband joked before this podcast, I said, oh, I'm gonna do a podcast with Heather. I'm really excited. It's about social anxiety. And he laughed and he said, just the fact that you're doing the podcast shows how far you've come. Seriously. Like I, Michelle, I'm sitting here almost getting a little emotional.

Oh. And I don't that. Okay. What is happening? That is actually, I don't, I don't normally get emotional. I mean, just to see what you've created, we work together one-on-one for a year to see. And of course, you know, in other programs, but like what you've done for yourself in a year is just mind blowing to me.

Like literally, I think if I can help someone see their thoughts and make this kind of progress where they can, because here's why. Here's what I was thinking when I was getting emotional, was like, when you were holding yourself back, your thoughts were the, the world was languishing without you. Like the world needed you to go down into the city and say,

Hey, I wanna help with this. These people needed to meet you. The jewelry store lady, all of the owners of the businesses. Like they needed to meet you because of the value you bring to this world. And if you were staying like in your shell, you know, like staying small, that we were all suffering as a result of that.

Like, I truly believe this. So to see that, like you've broken through that was so hard for you. I know. It was, you broke through all of that. You did it anyway. And then everyone and everything around you starts to flourish because of that. I'm like, it's mind blowing to me. It's mind blowing to me too.

Oh my gosh. When I started coaching with you, that was never in the plan. Like I didn't think that this was gonna happen. And two, even, even though my business might not be hitting these imaginary goals that I set up. Yeah. I know. I am certain that what I'm doing is the right thing. That people that I'm meeting,

the things that I'm doing, I am certain that this is going to lead to expand my business. Oh my gosh, what a beautiful thought. I'm certain that everything is working. I know what I'm doing. I trust myself. Like saying all of those things as opposed to who do you think you are? What are you doing? You don't know what you're doing.

How is this gonna work? You've never done it before. Instead of all that garbage, I know what I'm doing. I'm going to make this work. Yeah. Do you have any, have you developed any like regular or maybe daily habits on maintaining this like positive, calm mindset? 'cause 'cause we slipped back into the negative thoughts, at least I do pretty easily.

Oh, I do for sure too. I, it's actually, it's your voice in my head. Heather. Oh my gosh. I don't know whether to be excited or embarrassed by that. I don't know. I just say I am open to receiving everything is easier than I think I know. I make wise decisions and it's coming. Oh my gosh.

Such good thoughts to think as opposed to any of the negative ones. So you just catch the negative ones and you say, one of my favorite ones, I actually will reach my arms out with my palms up and I will say, I'm open to receiving because this is like a receiving posture. You know, I'm open to receiving all of the blessings,

all of the goodness. Sometimes I say large sums of money, find me in expected, in unexpected ways with my palms up. Like I know what I'm doing. It's working. And no matter where you're at your brain, if you can just take a deep breath and repeat those things, you will automatically calm your nervous system. And like, just like,

you know, bring it down a notch if you're Yeah. Maybe having an event, a circumstance or an upset client or whatever that looks like turned Out. What About any, are there any books or anything that you read that stand out to you? Because, you know, I love to read, I do know that you love to read, actually it was one of the books that you recommended way in the beginning,

and it was by Mel Robbins. Mm. It was the five second Rule. Yes. So for someone who has anxious thoughts, it's very difficult for me to say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and go. I am like, wait, We've gotta think this girl. Yeah. We've gotta figure out what could go wrong. And we gotta come up with the possibilities and the ways to respond to the things that could go wrong.

And I just started just doing it scared, just like we talked about in the beginning of the podcast. Seriously, I, I am not going to ever be comfortable walking into some situation where I don't know the people and I don't know how they're gonna react and just put on a smile and say, Hey y'all, I'm a pet photographer. Do you have any pets?

I will never be comfortable doing that. Yes. But I still do it all the time. Amazing. You figured out how to be uncomfortable. I figured out how to sit in the uncomfortableness. Mm. Instead of, you know, I used to think it was sitting in my safe chair at home, but the truth is this chair isn't very safe because it keeps me behind closed doors.

Yes. Yeah. It keeps you small, keeps you out of the world where you're meant to make an impact. Right? Yeah. It's, we think we're being safe and staying comfortable, but it's actually very uncomfortable to not fulfill your purpose. It's, you're staying in the known Safety. The unknown is out there and it can also be safe. And that's something that I didn't realize.

Oh, you didn't consider it? I didn't even consider No. That sometimes outside can be safe too. No, you were like, outside is dangerous and I will die. Yes. So I have to say, you know, people say this to me all the time. They're like, I'll never be comfortable talking to people or going out in into my community.

To which I say, do you have to be comfortable to do it? Right. You don't have to be comfortable. Don't. I can tell you that for 100% sure You will. Like you just said, you will never be comfortable doing it. But that was not the goal. The goal was to do it, to meet people, to make the impact,

to get the clients, to move forward. The goal. You figured out that the goal was not comfort anymore. And people are still seeking comfort. They're still saying, well, I'm not comfortable. Well, okay, listen to Michelle. I mean Comfortable. You won't gonna Listen to me. It's, you won't be comfortable. Yeah. And that's okay.

Yeah. To sit in that space of being uncomfortable is okay. Yeah. And what's that mean? Anyway? I'm uncomfortable. This is uncomfortable. I'm feeling discomfort. What you're, you know, what does that look like in your body? Can you survive that feeling? Because it's gonna pass. It will Pass. It's not permanent. I think that's another thing is we think I'm gonna feel this discomfort and it's never gonna go away.

Right. And really, that's just not true. Okay. Tell us, let's wrap up with what's next for you. Yeah. What's the next thing you wanna maybe accomplish or overcome? I'm very excited for the next year of my business because I'm not so anxious to get out there and talk to people. Because the response from people when I do talk to them is overwhelmingly positive.

Of course. So, you know, Heather, because we've spoke about this so much, I'm a little frustrated with where my business is and other people are building their business faster. You know, whatever is happening with other people, I am not as concerned about them anymore. And I know that my business is right where it needs to be. Because the truth of the matter is Heather,

if I had become one of those, you know, six plus figure photographers last year, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. You Would've blown it. I would've blown it. And then I would've confirmed all the Stories exactly right In my head. Yep. Which would've been devastating. So now that I've done all of this personal work and all of this mindset work,

I know now that I am ready to become whatever I wanna be. Ah. Whether that's a $50,000 photographer, a hundred thousand dollars photographer, a coach, yes. Go back to nursing. Who knows. Yes. But I know that I can handle it. Oh My gosh, that's beautiful. Also, we recently brought you in to Elevate as what we're calling the people's coach.

That is true. I'm very excited about that. Congratulations. Yeah, me too. And so is everyone in Elevate, because we've had you lead a few calls and people can just really identify with your journey. 'cause I get it sometimes hearing it from me, it's just like, too, too far. It's too much. Yeah. You know, but they hear it from you and you're in the trenches and you just went through this experience and it's really,

you're super relatable and the way you explain things is like, oh, and I really think that some people actually need to hear it from you rather than me. I'll take that on. I mean, that is amazing. There's, There's so much value in Elevate as a whole program. Of course. There's so much value in the photographers that have been doing this for 10,

15 years, you know, and they're consistently making these six figure years. There's also value in someone who's standing right next to you. That's exactly right. Like linking arms, like your locked arms. Yes. Yes. And making these silly mistakes about the date is wrong on the sessions or whatever. Like it's, we're all here together. And sometimes I feel like people don't think that anyone else is ever making any mistakes.

And they are. Everybody is making mistakes, you guys, and we're learning from them, and we're moving on and we're gonna, we're gonna succeed. Oh my gosh. There's no other option but us succeeding. Like that's the only path. Even if it's kind of curved to get there, like that's ultimately, we're going to figure it out because everything works out a hundred percent of the time.

Okay. Lastly, what's your recommendation for people if they wanna get started on this path of overcoming their anxious thoughts? Well, your anxiety series on your podcast has been extremely helpful because whereas you always say that I am super relatable, I think that you are super relatable as well. And I listen to the stories about things that you've done in the past.

And it's, you know, what I think in my head is, well, heck, if Heather can do that, I can do it too. That's right. And it's when you pull it out, and when you look at it, and when you stop believing your automatic thoughts, that's when, that's when you have the opportunity to change. Now you might take the thought and put it back in because you're scared,

or you might take the thought and do something with it. Ooh. But You've opened the door and that's, you've opened the door. That's up to you. You know, you can either light the candle in the dark and see everything and blow the candle back out, or That's great. Or You can leave the candle on and figure it all out though.

It's just, it's totally up to you. You tell 'em how it is. I love it. Thank you so much for being here. Where can people find you? Oh, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be on your podcast, Heather. Oh Yes. Longtime listener. First time caller. First time caller, right? Yes.

People can find me on Facebook and on Instagram at Pets in Focus Photo, and that's also my website, pets in focus photo.com. Great. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Heather. Thanks for listening to The Hair of the Dog podcast. This was episode number 220. If you wanna check out the show notes for access to any of the resources that we mentioned,

simply go to www.hairofthedogacademy.com/ 2 2 0. Thanks for listening to this episode of Hair of the Dog Podcast. If you enjoyed this show, please take a minute to leave a review. And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss our upcoming episodes. One last thing, if you are ready to dive into more resources, head over to our website at www do Hair of the Dog Academy.

Thanks for being a part of this pet photography community.